If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize