Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
accomplished twins. life is a go
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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