Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
