i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
