we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
you made out with another girl for some wings
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
