I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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