Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
