I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
