Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just gift wrapped bread.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
