we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize