I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
