well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
