All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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