we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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