dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
