I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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