Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
