her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
