I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
