I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
