Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
