I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
