Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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