Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
did you just send me my own nude
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
