Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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