Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
