overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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