I seem to have left my pride at pride
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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