this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
