My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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