when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
