we have officially lost it.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
This house was built for laser tag.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
