i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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