Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
