My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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