You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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