And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
