One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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