Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
