Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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