kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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