Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize