So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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