I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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