So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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