I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
