i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Are we still banned from the library?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
