I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
