i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize