then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
