You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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