I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
