If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
