on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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