I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
