there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
