Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
