So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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