i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
