While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
