btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Apparently you make a good broom.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
