I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
