i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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