the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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