why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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