I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
