Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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