He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize