Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
