would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
