I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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